"off the rails"

 I once bought my wife a cup that says, "Apparently I'm Dramatic!"  (I never said I was smart.)

Well, lately a few people have given me the impression that I am not being my "usual self" and some have gone so far as to say I am, "off the rails".

Is it a brain tumor?  How about a UTI? Maybe a hormonal imbalance, very late male menopause perhaps?

OR have I just transitioned into the old man, like the oldest member of the Golden Girls show, who just doesn't give a shit about societal standards and is just "shooting from the hip", "letting it fly", "loosing my filter".

I think it is the latter and here is why.

The other day I got pulled over for 75 in a 55 by a Maryland trooper and when he asked if there was any reason why I was speeding, my initial response was, "It's fun."  No doubt that is a true statement, especially when you get to borrow the nice little Civic that is 7 years old but still pretty cool, and you are not driving your 2006 Accord with 283,000 miles that you are trying to baby and keep alive until 310,000 just to set a new record.  (We had a Honda Odyssey go to 300,000 once.) After, "It is fun.", I had a moment of  "Oh boy that probably wasn't a good choice of words." and still in my nursing uniform, I went for pity and said, "I am a nurse and I just got off my shift."  It worked, I only got a warning.  

I recently (for Christmas) got an Indiana Jones style hat and I LOVE it, I wear it everywhere that I can.  It gives me a sense of invincibility, like the kind that my brother had when he came back from the Air Force for the first time and would walk in the middle of the road and say, "I am government property, they can't hurt me."  (He had a grand sense of humor that was very dry and I probably could never tell, is he being funny or serious.) The older people at my nursing home love the hat, almost as much as me. They unanimously endorse me wearing it, even though, societal convention, says, "take your hat off indoors".  Not sure where that custom came from, don't really care, it is a custom, not a "rule" from the Torah!!

I am applying for a job at a local nursing home, the process is going slowly because the Pennsylvania Board of Nursing is notoriously S_L_O_W!  The administrator of the nursing home was on the phone with me, acting like it was my fault that I was not already at her facility and working, slowly as she basically accused me of intentionally slowing the process down, I began to become more and more irritated and I drew closer and closer to telling her to "Blunder Off", "I am a nurse with 30 years experience in Nursing Homes and I am possibly coming to your facility, but guess what, I don't have to come to your shit hole if I do not want to, there are plenty of other fish in the sea."  I did not say that but I did start to become more curt and less tactful in my responses and she got the message.

I am old.

I am a very experienced nurse.

I am a recipient of more mercy from the Throne of God than anyone should ever have access to.

I am a very good repository of "end times truth" because of the amazing people who have poured into me over the years, most of whom are dead or in poor health.  

I am "slightly prophetic" in my understanding of individuals and local gatherings.

I am not, a person who has influence regionally or nationally, so those types of events, and prophecy, belong to others not me.

I am a good friend.

I am a very average husband.

I am a less than average dad, with my pendulum having swung from WAY TOO HARD , to now probably, a good bit too soft, but I love my kids and they know it and they all get along with each other and that means so much to me, I am tearing up as I write this. 

I love the little gathering I am a part of. ("Church" is a ridiculous made up word, that is a totally gentile creation and means nothing whatsoever, "Messiah's Community" with the understanding that HE is the Messiah of Israel is the only proper way to identify a local body, IMO or IMVAO - "In My Very Arrogant Opinion".)

So that is my case that I am just an old man, who has decided not to filter my words and actions, and not a head case that has gone, "off the rails".

Amen.  (Oh and "blunder" is the word I am using in place of f_ck.)