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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

oswalds' warning

"beware of any belief that makes you self-indulgent...
that belief came from the pit of hellitself,
regardless of how beautiful it may sound" oswald

there are alot of beliefs and teachings out there
that promote a self-indulgent mindset

we are to consider teachings in the light of God
given in scripture

ear tickling stuff is generally a LIE

Sunday, August 26, 2007

abide in Him

"Our only concern is to abide in HIM"
Oswald once again cuts to the chase and reveals
the simplicity of the gospel, which is one of the
things I love and appreciate about the plan of

Thursday, August 23, 2007

go away me

i am not a good father, i get easily annoyed with the kids, all ages all sizes
i see them as 'in the way' not as little offspring to be loved,

i am not a good husband, every little expectation and demand that i make must be met or i brood and sulk and shut down or mumble complainingly

"well that is not the victorious christian life brother"

I beg to differ

"when I am weak then I am strong" I sense like never before that God is bringing me to the end of all of the "good" that I have given myself credit for up to this point and allowing me to see the self-love that still pervades all aspects of me

so "go away me", I am tired of holding up the purposes of God because my "self" is getting in God's way, I want to let go of any idea of my goodness and cling only to HIS mercy and grace amen and amen

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

better sources

better sources for inspiration are out there

i have done the leg work now you
can get the benefit many wonderful articles and whole books
are available videos audio and articles that "call out"
the facade that is American Christianity and call us to the real
true deep thing that it is to be a follower of the Crucified One all sorts of versions and study helps and
a stong's concordance and even the entire text of Oswald Chambers
daily devotional "My Utmost for His Highest" from which i will quote

"Discouragement is disenchanted (or disillusioned) self-love" -- Oswald Chambers

wow oswald, why you gotta be so hard, take it easy on us,
we need understanding and "love" that coddles us and
says "it's ok, Jesus understands"

IT is a hard and narrow way, the hard words aren't so hard
when you understand there is grace upon grace 'from His Fullness'
waiting to bring His Life to our rescue, but how often do we step
in and short-circuit the hard anointed words that bring deep conviction
and repentance
with a "pooh pooh, there there, softening" that is NOT of God

taught a sunday school class this week for 8-11 years olds and they
were very good at giving the "learned answers" and filling in the blanks
and there was
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the lesson to prepare them for the tribulation
that nearly every true prophet of God says their generation will have to
walk thru ... God help us.... God have mercy on us

Thursday, August 16, 2007


a dad and husband had better be able to put others happiness
before his own
or he is in for a resent-filled life
God give me the grace to rejoice in being a blessing to others
purify my heart make me more like YOU

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Luke 23:48

luke 23:48 And all the crowds who came together for this spectacle, when they observed what had happened, began to return, beating their breasts. (greiving, mourning)

True and deep conversion must have its origin in a deep understanding of the cross, the horror of God's judgement on sin,
"the crowds" this is not the apostle John and 'the women', this is "the crowds" some of whom will carry this burden, till the day when Peter and the 11 stand up and proclaim Jesus, some of these are the ones who will have their hearts PIERCED and CRY OUT, "brethren what then shall we do ?"... this then is the very cry of true and deep conversion... not a hand barely raised in the back of a building with every eye closed to avoid giving the person any "embarrasment"
EMBARASSMENT???!!! God of very God has died for you, suffered for you, your sin, YOUR SIN, true and deep conversion is PIERCED and cries out... "I see it, I SEE IT, my sin caused that, now what must I do to be saved??"

On a personal note i feel more and more lately like a pathetic guitar student sitting at the feet of a master guitarist who plays a beautiful set of chords and then says "Ok now you do it" and I pluck out a screeching, squaking, pale imitation and hang my head wondering if ever my guitar, my life, will sound like HIS... But that is why I carefully chose the name for this blog "victim of relentless affection" a victim has something "done to him, in him" by an outside force, this grace is my hope, this grace is my only hope.

It annoys my spirit to have my kids sitting in church and hear from the speaker, "a clean vehicle is a good witness for God"... are they hearing that, are they thinking, dad doesn't seem to care too much about that?... i pray that they aren't, that God protects their ears from such asinine comments that in my many readings of the Bible i have never ever seen, would john the baptist have had a 'clean machine' or would the pharisee so very very concerned with the outside of the cup been the one more likely to have a 'clean machine' should Jesus have rode into Jerusalem on a nice white stallion, instead of a lowly donkey... oh ... i groan inwardly and will one day groan outwardly!!

i find myself

not living to the degree that grace has called me to live
irritated and irritating

the holy desperation of a true deep conversion experience has never happened in the lives of most american christians and then, in this, not really saved, state they proceed on to baptism.... great.... then the whole
'christian thing' takes on the appearance of a lie because there is no power to overcome or 'live above'

in the year that king uzziah died...
I can see this year being very pivotal for Jerry
he needs our prayers

Monday, August 13, 2007

the prophet is the message

art katz teaching is that the prophet must live and be the message he is sent to speak forth
so how far can I go in an attempt to "be one of the boys" and do the things that will make me "ok" / "a team player" in the eyes of leadership
at what point does the "making nice" invalidate the message that God will one day release thru me,
the message of suffering in the will of God, of apostolic poverty, of going thru tribulation not being raptured out of it, of God's provision for all that He calls us to, of driving around in a stinky old van- because it still works and that is really all that matters,
just thinking that i must be careful not to compromise in a way that will invalidate the truth as I know it, and therefore defeat the message of my life
I don't fit in - not with the money and intelligence and diploma exalting crap - and I am not meant to, and by the grace of God I never will, to those things I am called to be the "troubler of Israel" amen and amen.

Sunday, August 12, 2007


my mentor... grace
my dad... grace
my inspiration.. grace
my salvation...grace
today's best option to help me choose to live the
Christian life....grace

wherever there has been a void in my life
the grace of God has come in and filled it up

thank you God, give me a grateful heart

Friday, August 10, 2007

my yoke

so... second-hand burdens are the hardest ones to carry and bring with them a certain amount of resentment, "why do i gotta do this?"
if the desire is not your own... there is no natural inclination to want to do it.
example: the dishes, if you don't think they need done, but your spouse does and you are doing them only because "they" think they need done...

so the wisdom of Jesus shines thru once again because He invites us to come into HIS yoke, to be so one with HIS heart and HIS desires that we are in HIS yoke, not doing things, just because He says so, that is works and the law and the end of it is death, no, no, no, what needs to happen is we need to actually enter into HIS yoke, doing things because our desire, has become HIS desire, they are the same, death to self is the path to life, and being in HIS yoke, willingly, lovingly, simply because you are responding to HIS love, that is the abundant LIFE

Thursday, August 9, 2007


so in 1986 I felt that Africa with YWAM would be my final destination
I would go there work as a nurse and die there, the church I was in at the time and a prophetic word that God interpreted, stopped that plan, and although my heart for missions remained, no further opportunities came.
21 years later...the need is still great, but here I am in the USA, sitting in a pew, raising a family, watching my wife's ministry grow, 21 years later...

Monday, August 6, 2007

What would YOU have me to do?

that is the thought and it has led to some prayers, some kinder, slower reactions,
some listening, some resting

Sunday, August 5, 2007


so it feels like 70% of the people in our church are "not there" during worship and are most likely not truly deeply converted, but
we move on and have all sorts of messages that are good and timely and bear some fruit, but
70% are going to hell, or will fall away when the tribulation starts
that should be the priority yes or not

Lord what would You have me to do? has been running thru my head today, I hope it continues to...

the sugar or snacks that youth are getting before worship is affecting their worship Anna B was all over the place today, not worshipful like she usually is and i just felt that it was some snack she had been given

John T not there...
"house church" did that idea just go somewhere and die...
ben israel continues to challenge Art Katz died in June

Saturday, August 4, 2007


i like to follow the career of roger clemens (now in steep decline) and when the playoffs roll around i give the game a little attention, but ever since my conversion and the "strike year" when the greedy people didn't even play the world series, I have lost any day to day week to week or even month to month interest in the game
last night was an opportunity to "share" a semi-pro game with some men and youth from my church, it was good to talk to and listen to larry, steve, rich, and ken, so we actually just "used" the game and enjoyed each other and the atmosphere
every life has its own joys and sorrows and unique persepective
pride has kept me from enjoying others and their perspective, by the grace of God that is fading and an openess and love is growing

love is growing (thank you Bo Beredo)

Bo loves people, he remembers names because he loves people, he remembers their story because he loves people, he prayed for me and told me that if I asked for what he has, God would not refuse me, so I asked for it ...and

love is growing

Friday, August 3, 2007

oswald and me and "constraining Him"

sometimes (not often) I get an understanding from God that I can't put into words in a way that would help others to understand... and then along comes oswald chambers to make it all chrystal
clear... July 30th in My Utmost... is the example this date speaks of the disillusionment associated when others let us down and the only God-given protection against that, having your reliance totally, TOTALLY, completely, COMPLETELY on God and God ALONE... but most of the church has become so superficial and shallow that such a thought is outside of the realm of comprehension even when oswald explains it.

"And they constrained Him to stay" so often God appears to be passing by and the people who get more of God are the ones who at that moment, drop everything, give all, forget the prevailing fear of man, and cry out to constrain Him to stay... the two on the road to emmaus, the blind beggar by the side of the road, Jacob at the end of the wrestling match, and many other examples speak of a DESPERATION, not a power exerted, but the desperate whole-hearted plea of one who has no other hope... and there-in lies the problem... we have so very many other "hopes" that we turn to and think will work that do not require the constraining the reputation ruining, all out, utterness, (Art Katz) that is a requirement for getting all of God... and so we go on content with "some of God" and never knowing the truth that can set us free, the faith that can accomplish all things, the imtimacy that knows no other, the oneness of the abiding, unshakable presence of God....

Oh God, give us the grace to be pick up the grace to be a people that constrains You.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


so the main thing the main test the main way that you know whether or not you have been truly and deeply converted is how you handle the bumps in the road and how you handle it when you fail and how you handle it when life is not fair
perseccution and tribulation are the fire and cleansing instruments in the hand of the loving God He is coming back for a pure spotless bride and so persecution and tribulation must come and do their work
expect it

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

needlessly busy

the evil spirit that drives this culture to "never rest" and "fill every moment" with stuff is keeping us from the most precious gift/resource/source of health and healing with have...
intimate time with God
At what point and in whose opinion did getting your kids involved in activities 7 days a week become the way to be a "good parent"?
Our lives reflect this disturbing trend in many areas and we need to actively fight against the "spirit of the age."