Chocolate Ice Cream Swirl or a Pile of Poop or Both

 So this honest, open view into my mind and heart is about to get real.

No many will see it in the back water of the internet, but Abraham Lincoln thought not many people would remember a little something we call the Gettysburg Address, so who knows. 

I really don't like being lied to my face.

I only have one trigger, when my opinion is denigrated.  Specifically my nursing opinion. Specifically my nursing opinion on the elderly, which has been my "specialty" for about 26 years of the 38 years I have been a nurse.

Well that is not true, I have two triggers, the other one was pulled by the managers of my facility in November of 2023.  I was very honestly and sincerely confronting them with a bad situation that was creating a hostile work environment revolving around one nurse, I was putting myself on the line to help the facility be a better place to work and care for human beings and my management fucked me over. (i know I lose language points for that and will have to put a quarter in the swear jar, but it is the truth) That event along with COVID combined to throw me into Mania, and Mania recurring at about a 60 day intervals according to those who know me best, has been very costly. Medication controls it "good enough" until Yeshua the God of Israel, chooses to say, "Be Healed". 

But when Mania is in control of me, I drive faster, lose my filter, and have an underlying anger that comes out frequently. Mostly it comes out towards my wife and that is, of course, harmful to our marriage and the trust and love that is necessary for a good foundation. During those times I hear the comment, "Oh yeh, you are mister Grace and Mercy, you are!!!"

Definitely thinking of cutting grass, or selling milk shakes, or winning the lottery or anything else to get out of nursing and the money driven reality of health care.

But, my one and only true, "God used me to bring salvation story" is located in my old nursing home and a 94 year-old probably 95 now, named Arletta is my only fruit. SOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo, I need to stay and hang in there in this evil Haman led system until the Lord gives release.

There's your honest, open view into my heart and life.