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Friday, January 13, 2012

brutal honesty

"honest open view into my mind, heart and life as God works His work in my life"
This is the phrase underneath the title of this blog. I like the cello, mainly because the sound that it makes can not be electronically duplicated. As people search for God they often come across "spiritual experts," (idiots) self-serving guru's teaching 'ancient principles' that may or may not work for days or weeks or even years, if you do them with 'all' that you've got, because, anything is better than BOWING. Repentance, is the door way of entrance into this life. Electronically generated, harmonics can "catch" most other instruments, but the cello, played by an expert has emotion and depth, beyond imitation. True and deep conversion has a moment of contact with the holiness of God, that cannot be faked. Unfortunately there is so much "electronic imitation" in the interest of the 'quick conversion' that a great number of souls are ushered into the 'kingdom' on the fast track of 'Jesus loves you and has a great plan for your life.' No bowing there, no contact with the holiness of God, just a quick self-centered prayer that puts you in touch with the great 'candy man' in the sky, who wants to meet all your needs. In cultures where baptism equals a death threat, there is a natural sieve that eliminates the self-centered, and demands that evangelists have a deeper message. So yes, I love the cello.

Work has been discouraging, more and more is piled on the donkey's back, good nurses who try to take "care" of their people are crying, literally crying, under the load of stress. Management, happily divorced from reality, marches on, just one more piece of paperwork, just one more change, just one more expectation piled on top of all the others, each being microscopically monitored by a paper pusher who cannot see one millimeter beyond their specialty. Who survives? Those who adapt to this style by becoming experts at lying and giving management what they want. Giving up on 'care' they sarcastically move on to transforming the 'call' of nursing into a job. This weekend, while I am off I will be working on a letter to my direct supervisor on the current state of life in the trenches. The favor of God has been on my efforts to do this in the past and I hope it will be again. The danger is to be led by frustration, to let 'pent up' anger spill over. "Just the facts, mam." Sergeant Friday from the show 'Dragnet' was right. Emotional arguments with high-pitched, high-decibel voices do not allow for a true investigation and resolution.

Home has been discouraging, the path to healthy, independent adults has a huge bump in the road along the way called, the teen-age years. It takes more energy, love, and perseverance than any human has, I guess that is actually the 'good' point. It is a time that forces the parent to drop their, "If I do this, all will turn out well." mantra and join reality, a harsh reality that demands time spent in prayer and seeking wisdom and grace from the Father and the Body of Christ.

Marriage has been discouraging, I'm not very good at the whole, "husband thing." I can give many books that call for a perfect, understanding, kind, patient, person who has as the center of his world the happiness of his wife. "Husbands love your wives, as Christ loves the Church." Really, could You have set the standard any higher? Could You have made the task any more impossible. Nope. Again that was the plan, and that is the good part, because it forces me to drop the mantra, "I can do this, I am patient, loving and understanding," and makes me face the ugly reality of my own self-centered existence and again, sends me outside of myself to the Father and His Body for grace, wisdom and prayer.

Church has been discouraging. I am different. I have walked a different path to get here. Diversity within the body, is one of the things that makes it beautiful. Each one brings something that further displays the manifold beauty of our God. Each one realizes the need for the 'other.' Each one reads the sentence, (Romans 12:10)
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;" It is entirely impossible, once again. Humans, build towers to make their name great. Humans do everything from a motivation of self, no matter how noble or twisted, that is the motivation, the noble get praised, the twisted get held up to the blinding light of the media, so that we can all feel better about ourselves. 'Thank you Casey Anthony, we all feel better about ourselves now, move along, next!' God pushes the truth in our face, 'There is none righteous' and in case you didn't get it, 'No, not one.' And it is to these people that He says, 'give preference.' True the people have been changed, are in the process of transformation, are becoming more like Christ, have the life of Christ within them, but this is yet another impossibility. Yet another call for grace and prayer, submission, returning good for evil, overlooking, extending love, exposing your own flaws, risking love. One area of difference that 'breaks' me, is my view of the end times, it colors a lot of my other thinking on the Church. I can not teach on this view within my church, because it is at odds with the Pastor's view. I respect that, the sheep are his sheep, and I am to serve in such a way as to make his 'call' a 'pleasure,' not a burden. (Hebrews 13:17) "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you." I get it, when God, the Lord of the universe, says something would be 'unprofitable,' it is a good idea to back off.

I could counsel myself now... gratitude is the way out of this pit, silly boy, grumbling is for kids, you have been with God long enough to know better, but this was a time for brutal honesty, don't say I didn't warn you. Going back to my cello music now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This was really deep...really true...excellently written...your wife