go away me

i am not a good father, i get easily annoyed with the kids, all ages all sizes
i see them as 'in the way' not as little offspring to be loved,

i am not a good husband, every little expectation and demand that i make must be met or i brood and sulk and shut down or mumble complainingly

"well that is not the victorious christian life brother"

I beg to differ

"when I am weak then I am strong" I sense like never before that God is bringing me to the end of all of the "good" that I have given myself credit for up to this point and allowing me to see the self-love that still pervades all aspects of me

so "go away me", I am tired of holding up the purposes of God because my "self" is getting in God's way, I want to let go of any idea of my goodness and cling only to HIS mercy and grace amen and amen