Ongoing Investigation into "Going Off the Rails"

 Beautiful night with some very humble, very honest men in a little men's group in a big gathering. 

i think

maybe

i was given some insight into my recent "off the rails" behavior.

Early on, very early on, in my relationship with my wife, it was made clear that my style of humor was not really going to fly, or be appreciated and maybe even have led to misunderstanding and sorrow.

SOOOoooooo....

I buried it and kept it under wraps except for occasionally leaving it out to roam and play sometimes at work or one on one, with my friend Steve.

Now I feel 24 years of God enabled faithfulness, totally due to His mercy and the fear of the Lord, has purchased for me, the grace to let my humor flow.

So it flows and not to surprisingly, it is still not very appreciated.

Oh to only say what the Father is saying.

Oh to only do what the Father is doing. 

John 5:44  No fear of man, seeking to be led by God, impossible without the mercy of God.

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times

 Dickens was describing my day.

I love that 4 people loved me enough to confront me with my "erratic" "off the rails" behavior of late.

I love that one of them teared up and expressed his love for me in a depth that softened my evil, hard heart.

 I love that we probed together possible causes and solutions.

I love that they all agreed to keep praying and seeking discernment.

So far only my wife has heard from God and what she heard was something like. Just keep supporting and loving the big lug, eventually I will handle everything, eventually, in MY TIME>

I appreciated it but it hurt to think that they could have pictured "drugs" being involved or alcohol.  My dad was an active alcoholic and he did his best with his life after seeing "who knows what" in the Korean War, but overall he would get a D- grade for being a dad.  Literally showing up only occasionally to drop off his very irregular alimony payment, handing me and my sister a $5 bill and leaving without saying a word...."thanks?!"

Drugs have been used by the powers that be to harm many that I love, God's mercy keeps me from that also.  

So that part of it was "the worst of times".

At work tonight, I had a lovely, honest convo with a young woman who is "doing her best" as a single mom with a true, blue, through and through as_hole as a boyfriend, and a world class dick head as an ex-husband (IMVAO).  We strengthened and deepened our friendship.  It was "good for the soul".  People of the opposite sex cannot maintain a pure friendship.  That is bullsh_t!  By  the grace of God and through the mercy of God we are going over 10 years as deep, close, personal friends.  It drives many people crazy and rumors fly all over the place.  Yeshua was alone at the well having a very personal conversation with a woman and a samaritan woman at that, hummmmmmmmmmm.

have a good Sunday and remember, Sunday worship is a gentile invention. The God of Israel chooses to be worshiped on Saturday, by a people who cease from the works of their hands. PERIOD.

"off the rails"

 I once bought my wife a cup that says, "Apparently I'm Dramatic!"  (I never said I was smart.)

Well, lately a few people have given me the impression that I am not being my "usual self" and some have gone so far as to say I am, "off the rails".

Is it a brain tumor?  How about a UTI? Maybe a hormonal imbalance, very late male menopause perhaps?

OR have I just transitioned into the old man, like the oldest member of the Golden Girls show, who just doesn't give a shit about societal standards and is just "shooting from the hip", "letting it fly", "loosing my filter".

I think it is the latter and here is why.

The other day I got pulled over for 75 in a 55 by a Maryland trooper and when he asked if there was any reason why I was speeding, my initial response was, "It's fun."  No doubt that is a true statement, especially when you get to borrow the nice little Civic that is 7 years old but still pretty cool, and you are not driving your 2006 Accord with 283,000 miles that you are trying to baby and keep alive until 310,000 just to set a new record.  (We had a Honda Odyssey go to 300,000 once.) After, "It is fun.", I had a moment of  "Oh boy that probably wasn't a good choice of words." and still in my nursing uniform, I went for pity and said, "I am a nurse and I just got off my shift."  It worked, I only got a warning.  

I recently (for Christmas) got an Indiana Jones style hat and I LOVE it, I wear it everywhere that I can.  It gives me a sense of invincibility, like the kind that my brother had when he came back from the Air Force for the first time and would walk in the middle of the road and say, "I am government property, they can't hurt me."  (He had a grand sense of humor that was very dry and I probably could never tell, is he being funny or serious.) The older people at my nursing home love the hat, almost as much as me. They unanimously endorse me wearing it, even though, societal convention, says, "take your hat off indoors".  Not sure where that custom came from, don't really care, it is a custom, not a "rule" from the Torah!!

I am applying for a job at a local nursing home, the process is going slowly because the Pennsylvania Board of Nursing is notoriously S_L_O_W!  The administrator of the nursing home was on the phone with me, acting like it was my fault that I was not already at her facility and working, slowly as she basically accused me of intentionally slowing the process down, I began to become more and more irritated and I drew closer and closer to telling her to "Blunder Off", "I am a nurse with 30 years experience in Nursing Homes and I am possibly coming to your facility, but guess what, I don't have to come to your shit hole if I do not want to, there are plenty of other fish in the sea."  I did not say that but I did start to become more curt and less tactful in my responses and she got the message.

I am old.

I am a very experienced nurse.

I am a recipient of more mercy from the Throne of God than anyone should ever have access to.

I am a very good repository of "end times truth" because of the amazing people who have poured into me over the years, most of whom are dead or in poor health.  

I am "slightly prophetic" in my understanding of individuals and local gatherings.

I am not, a person who has influence regionally or nationally, so those types of events, and prophecy, belong to others not me.

I am a good friend.

I am a very average husband.

I am a less than average dad, with my pendulum having swung from WAY TOO HARD , to now probably, a good bit too soft, but I love my kids and they know it and they all get along with each other and that means so much to me, I am tearing up as I write this. 

I love the little gathering I am a part of. ("Church" is a ridiculous made up word, that is a totally gentile creation and means nothing whatsoever, "Messiah's Community" with the understanding that HE is the Messiah of Israel is the only proper way to identify a local body, IMO or IMVAO - "In My Very Arrogant Opinion".)

So that is my case that I am just an old man, who has decided not to filter my words and actions, and not a head case that has gone, "off the rails".

Amen.  (Oh and "blunder" is the word I am using in place of f_ck.)

 

Hamas, Gaza, the Whole Story

 "It also estimates the net worth of several Hamas leaders — all of whom, it notes, live hundreds of kilometres from Gaza, in Qatar. Abu Marzuk, deputy chair of the Hamas Political Bureau is worth $3 billion, while senior leaders Khaled Mashal and Ismail Haniyeh are each worth about $4 billion."

Eleven Billion Dollars, living in luxury far away from the people they are using to try to turn the world against Israel.  

The most amazing thing about the news is how little "news" makes it out past the guardians of the big lie.

"You Have to Push Back"

 What a blessing it is to be part of a body where the gifts of the Spirit are flowing. A friend said she was praying for me and she felt strongly that God was saying to me, "You have to push back." She was totally humble in the presentation, stating she had no idea what those words meant or what I am going through.

At the time I didn't know either, but I knew if I humbly received them as from the Lord, in His time He would reveal the meaning clearly and it would bring life.

The surface is never the truth.

On the surface, a situation at work had escalated and I had confronted it through the proper channels and my efforts to bring it out to the light and have it properly dealt with were pushed down and pushed aside. So, on the surface, God was giving me the green light to push back.

The surface is never the truth.  

I have walked with the Lord long enough to know my voice from His Voice, so I waited.

It is not always this quick, but around 1:30am on the following morning, HE led me to this understanding.

In the upside-down kingdom of God that exists in this evil age, we "push back" by laying down our lives, by not fearing those who can only kill the body, by not having any fear of man.  In this evil age we live lives that are not pushed around by the tactics of the enemy, fear, threat, intimidation, death.

Our "push back" is in our willingness to keep on laying down our lives out of love of the Messiah, following His example, empowered by His life.  His victory in this evil age was through death, through a willingness to say what the Father was saying and do what the Father was doing no matter what the cost.

Deeper still, to a love that is extravagant, to a forgiveness that is radical, to LIFE in every situation, never joining the side that is out to accuse, steal, kill and destroy.

To see as HE sees, from HIS perspective that this evil age is so very temporary and we are living with a hope, joy and peace that is anchored in the eternal age to come, the Kingdom of God.

The Powers that Be

 "It was also given to him to make war with the saints and to overcome them, and authority was given to him over every tribe, people, language, and nation."  Revelation 13:7

“If anyone is to go into captivity,
    into captivity they will go.
If anyone is to be killed with the sword,
    with the sword they will be killed.”

This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of God’s people."  Rev. 13:10

15 Then the Lord said to me: “Even if Moses and Samuel were to stand before me, my heart would not go out to this people. Send them away from my presence! Let them go! ² And if they ask you, ‘Where shall we go?’ tell them, ‘This is what the Lord says:

“‘Those destined for death, to death;
those for the sword, to the sword;
those for starvation, to starvation;
those for captivity, to captivity.’" Jeremiah 15:1,2

This is ultimately how you know we are still in this evil age.  The Principalities and Powers are still given authority.  Yeshua defeated them at the cross, but the out-working of that only has a "ladder" from the age to come into this evil age.  The evilness of this evil age is still being played out.  The day of the Lord is still on the horizon. Mercy is still being shown to sinners and time is still being given for repentance. All Israel has not had the same Damascus Road experience given to Paul, where the Spirit of grace and supplication is poured out on the remnant people that is still left on the earth after the tribulation, the great one, has purified the earth of all evil.

The Day of the Lord, the resurrection of the dead, the meeting of the Lord in the air to escort He and His victorious army back to the earth to begin His official rule and reign from a throne in Jerusalem, all these things are yet to come and they are all after the tribulation, just read Matthew 24 and see what it says.  

Meanwhile, do not be surprised that the principalities and powers are experiencing a whole bunch of temporary victories, they know their days are numbered, they know Who is God Most High.  If we go into captivity, we know there is a time limit, if we are killed, we know we never die.  Mercy, and only mercy, has made us a winner.

Set Your Heart to Understand

 https://mysteryofisrael.org/the-olivet-key-to-daniels-prophecy-of-the-end/?fbclid=IwAR30TF3PGcVLjfeB9XCvv1tp57d6ZqRxKoRpsptfwax3Wg4Qegt2pzcveuA

 

The above link will take you to six pages that speak of Daniel, the abomination of desolation, and Matt. 24.  It is a "good start" for anyone who wants to set their heart to understand God's clearly displayed, end time plan.